r/mildlyinfuriating • u/WanderWut • 21h ago
Family members arrived to the house almost 3 hours before the invitation time we set for our family Christmas party.
The invitation we sent out said that the time for the family Christmas party is for 5:30pm. Suddenly we hear the doorbell ring at 2:50pm and we thought it had to be a delivery or something, but nope, it’s 4 family members and a friend of theirs arriving almost 3 hours early for some reason. We’re in the midst of still cooking all of the food, clothes in the washer, we still need to take showers, it’s really hectic right now. But now we have to entertain them in the middle of hectic Christmas preparations. They never said they were coming this early, and they also drove 2 1/2 hours to get here so there’s no chance of a “hint hint, maybe come back later since you see it’s so early and busy?”
Seriously who gets here nearly 3 early to an event, family function or not??
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u/jsakic99 21h ago
Take advantage of the situation. Get them to help out.
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u/No_Car_8456 20h ago
Yup
Edit: they should be offering!
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u/jammaslide 19h ago
Their early arrival is the offer to help. When I opened the door and saw them, I would have said, "Thank you for coming early to help. Follow me so I can show you what you can do." I would make a list and then go take a shower.
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u/CeleryCompetitive156 19h ago
Not everyone is actually helpful though, and from personal experience I’ve found the people who show up early, particularly without notice, are the least helpful.
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u/princessjemmy YELLOW 17h ago
Yes and they can be told to amuse themselves for the 3 hours. Just because people show up early doesn’t mean you have to play host. Partly because it encourages repeats. Let them be bored for 3 hours. Consequences for the win.
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u/SdBolts4 16h ago
Yep, if you don’t want to ask them to help, then it’s “here’s the couch and tv remote, I’ve got to get ready for the party”
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u/Noodelz-1939 YELLOW 7h ago
nah make them rake leaves, plow the drive way (if cold climate), make them work OUTSIDE the house. unless they brought weed, well then
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u/Gruber151 11h ago
For real. I'll be there to entertain in about 3 hours. Heres the wifi password...
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u/Sandor_Clegane_420 10h ago
Yeah hosting begins at the start time on the invitation. If you show up early you’re on your own.
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u/boatymcboat 18h ago
Anyone can grab scissors and cut the grass
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u/Accomplished_Bee5221 16h ago
Now I have a big smile on my face and a mental image of a "special" relative snipping away! Thanks! Snip, snip, snip...
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u/Used_Commission_7343 17h ago
Yes. They arrive 1.5 hours early like my mother and then proceed to announce I look stressed because I’m concentrating on final jobs and not mindless chitchat or answering where a specific indoor plant was that she had given me 5 years earlier. 😆
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u/Notspherry 11h ago
-You look stressed are you OK?
-Fine, just busy
-You don't look fine, are you sure there is nothing I can do to help?
-If you could stop interrupting me every 2 minutes that would be great, since, you know, I am busy
-But you look stressed.
Aaaargh
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u/ABiggerTelevision 14h ago
I threw that shit out.
Oh, it died?
No, I just hated it and threw it out.
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u/Horror_Cod_104 18h ago
So true, but I’m a professional at putting people to work. If you’re here early I’m assuming you’re volunteering so come in and be voluntold.
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u/jammaslide 18h ago
That can be true more times than it should be. That means after my shower, I go through the list to see what was done (properly) while in front of them. Each item I will ask if it's done. If it isn't, or it's screwed up, the response is, "Oh, that is a problem" or "Why isn't this done correctly?". If it's really bad, I may have to say, "It looks like dinner plans have to change. I'm sure you understand." One way or another, they won't keep doing that to me. One screwed up meal is well worth the value of correcting bad behavior. Most people have a problem with this because they want things to go really well and have a perfect meal. Don't underestimate the opportunity to fix the relatives.
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u/sleezly 18h ago
This sounds like Joe Mayo, Seinfeld character that assigns tasks to the guests.
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u/bee102019 17h ago
I agree. By the time I’ve explained what needs done, detailed how to do it, directed you to where everything is that you may need… I could have just done it myself.
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u/trekqueen 17h ago
That’s my dad. We lived 40min away, so not too far, but he would show up an hour and a half early to events many times, also with my grandma in tow. He’s the least helpful and you absolutely have to entertain him or he gets in the way.
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u/vermiliondragon 14h ago
These people need the invitation with the time listed as an hour later than everyone else!
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u/Lady-of-Shivershale 16h ago
I will absolutely speak to adults like that as though they're children. I will repeat instructions to sit down, and if I'm ignored, I will ask what words are difficult to understand. I will tell them that they're not listening to me and ask them why.
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u/Hot_Coconut_5567 16h ago
At some point in my 40s I accidentally used my stern mom voice on my selfish narcissistic Boomer father-in-law and he obeyed me so fast I nearly broke character.
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u/Lady-of-Shivershale 10h ago
That's awesome.
I come across as pretty harsh when I speak anyway (autism, I just get focused, not angry). And I find it really hard to hide my irritation when I've asked someone to either do a specific job or to give me space to do a job, and then they don't.
I'm JuSt TrYiNg To HeLp isn't being helpful. It's getting in the way on purpose so that I'll give that person attention instead of my task.
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u/Worried-Crazy-9435 17h ago
And honestly it can just add stress trying to delegate. Sometimes I could just do it in the time of explaining it and it will be done right 🥲🤣
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u/ArcusInTenebris 17h ago
Usually hoping to beat everyone else to whatever snacks and appetizers are going to be on offer. Nothing like arriving to a function to find out Ken, Karen, Britney and Steve got there 2 hours early and picked everything clean before anyone else arrived.
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u/sofaking009 16h ago
what? Who in their right mind would think of this being the reason... wtf lol. Were you raised in captivity or something...
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u/Newtonsmum 15h ago
Lol, right? Never set out ANY food/snacks until just prior to the agreed upon time. There's no pregaming other guests.
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u/Neckbreaker70 18h ago
“C’mon, we all need showers and you can help, get in here.”
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u/tbird20017 10h ago
I'm a single dad and I was hosting. My grandmother and aunt arrived 45 minutes early. They saw my eggs boiling (for deviled eggs) and said "Get your shower, we got this". I get out and they've got them bad boys plated and everything. Those deviled eggs were delicious by the way, highlight of the night.
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u/40ozT0Freedom 19h ago
The last thing I want is someone trying to help cook
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u/BeeBarnes1 19h ago
Send them outside to clean the dead stuff out of the flowerbeds.
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u/ToeJam1970 18h ago edited 16h ago
And clean the gutters. And mow the lawn. And wash the cars. And change the oil. And top off the windshield washer.
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u/Beautiful-Paper2029 19h ago
That is why you have them sweep, put out trash and at this point, that early - you’re folding laundry!!!
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u/Internal_Set_6564 18h ago
100%. “We are not ready yet, but could use some help if you want to stay around. If not, perhaps diving over to X/Y Christmas event would entertain you.”
Next year be sure to add “We will not be ready to host people prior to TIME”.
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u/evilbrent 17h ago
You don't need to add that next time. It's passive aggressive and implied in every invitation ever.
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u/_ExpletiveDeleted 19h ago
This will help teach them not to arrive so early again
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u/clamroll 16h ago
I have a buddy who used to do this. The second time he arrived as I was getting out of the shower I decided to put him to work hard. He showed up early one time after this, and I set him working again.
Twice was enough. Home boy shows up fifteen minutes early now at most
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u/czaritamotherofguns 19h ago
Delegating work is still extra work.
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u/Used_Commission_7343 17h ago
Exactly. Because then they want to discuss how they would do it different/better/want a specific plate or spoon even if you do give them a task and can you find it NOW and can they have a coffee please- oh that’s unusual that you store it there or can they have a Panadol or use the bathroom or see some gift they gave you 10 years ago in situ right now or criticise the kids rooms/hair/outfits or say how they’d do it differently but never offer to host or look offended you’re too busy for small talk. Etc. 😆😆🎄
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u/jsakic99 19h ago
But it eventually reduces the amount of personal work.
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u/MisterBlud 18h ago
It can!
Or the people could be absolute knobs you wouldn’t trust not to burn cereal and milk. So you have to assign them tasks, stop them from messing up the tasks irreparably, and then still do the task yourself.
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u/AvoidingBansLOL 18h ago
Anyone shows up that early they are getting a fuckin mop and a toilet scrub.
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u/PenguinZombie321 19h ago
Exactly! If you show up early, that should mean you’re there to help set up. I personally have done that a few times for family and friends. I’ve got nothing going on, I know you’re busy, so lemme know if I can help set up or pick something up or whatever.
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u/The_Demon_of_Spiders 17h ago
I do think you should still give a courtesy heads up text that you’re arriving early.
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u/Lost-Vast-5595 15h ago
Nope. Tell them to get the hell out and come back at the proper time.
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u/Bindyree 18h ago
This one. They never did that again. "If you want appetizers now let's all go make them together."
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u/Freethecaterpillar-3 20h ago
If we ever showed up early to family functions, we got put to work . Right on time to 15 min late is the sweet spot
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u/Shlocktroffit 20h ago
The older the hosts are, the closer to on time you should be...if they're in their twenties or thirties it's best to be fashionably tardy
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u/KennyKettermen 19h ago
I hate this. I’m always early or on time to everything and I’m in my late twenties. Chronically late people are the bane of my existence
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u/hagne 18h ago
When someone is hosting you in their home, it is more polite to be late than early. The sweet spot is around 15 minutes late. That way, your hosts have a few extra minutes to make themselves/their homes presentable if preparing to host took longer than expected (which it often can!).
Meeting in a coffee shop or at a movie is a different protocol where timeliness tends to be more expected.
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u/GeminiFade 18h ago
This. My mother hosted endless parties at our home for family, for friends, for coworkers, holidays, birthdays, made up reasons, didn't matter. As the hostess, she expected, and appreciated, that people would arrive in increments from the official start time to about half an hour after. There was never a sudden influx of twenty or thirty people at once, everyone came in and had a chance to settle and greet each other. If everyone is exactly on time, it's messy.
If you're early, you're either offering to help set up or you're incredibly rude and self centered.
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u/BurritovilleEnjoyer 16h ago
Yeah arriving early to an event at someone's house is just utterly wild to me.
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u/Figsnbacon 16h ago
My brother-in-law and his wife are habitually late. Really really late. They blame it on being Peruvian. It’s a thing to be late, idk, my husband says that’s BS as he is Peruvian too. They were invited to a neighbor’s house once for a little neighborhood gathering. They arrived so late that all the guests were gone and the hosts were already in their pajamas.
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u/annieisawesome 18h ago
Oh this drives me nuts. I have some friends who are a couple who like to host casual Sunday dinner parties in the summer. The first few times, I arrived right on time to the 4pm invitation, and was far and away the earliest person there. After that, I had learned that most of their other friends are always "fashionably late" and started aiming for like 20-30 minutes late, and even once decided that I wouldn't even prepare to leave (shower, dress,etc) until the invitation time of 4. I STILL am almost always one of the first to arrive. It drives me nuts because now I have no idea what time to actually show up, since they clearly expect most people to arrive late. But how late? Most of the others I only know through the hosts, so these parties are the only context I have for what expectations are.
Now the entire timeframe has shifted because the culture of this friend group and it's torture for a punctual person like me.
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u/LittleStoneBear 15h ago
Years ago my father-in-law, who lived next door, was told to arrive at 2pm for Christmas dinner at 3pm.
At 4pm, there being no sign of him, my husband went to get him.
He was sitting at his kitchen table, writing Christmas cards. On Christmas day.
And then he swanned in as if he were a visiting royal.
Arriving two hours early would have been a mild inconvenience. Two hours late was infuriating.
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u/OtherwiseAlbatross14 18h ago
Yeah I've never seen a reddit post complaining about guests arriving right on time
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u/obbsessedHW 17h ago
I’m in my early 30s. Everything is timed to perfection for the food. If you are late you are throwing dinner off. I would be pissed.
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u/Bugz_Momma 20h ago
When I was married I always told my in laws an hour later than everyone else. They would show up early “to visit” when I was the most busy; then get mad at me for not sitting and talking with them. Modern problems require modern solutions right??? 😂
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u/TyAnne88 18h ago
OMG. My Dad has become this way. He shows up at least an hour early and then whines because no one pays attention to him.
Trying to put him to work does nothing because he wants attention and he does nothing but follow people around. We all just ignore him at this point which makes him more frustrated.
His “wifish” (are they married? Not married? No one is really sure. They say they aren’t but wear rings) is zero help because she wants to be the center of attention too.
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u/shleeface 11h ago
Ahhh my dad was doing this too! It got to the point where I told him if he shows up even 5 mins before the time we gave then I’m not even opening the door for him and he can sit in his car until then. It happened only one more time after that, we held our word, and now he shows up at the correct time lol. I literally do not even want the early birds allowed in my house to sit and be bored, just the presence of them while I still have personal stuff to do stresses me out too much.
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u/Infamous-Project-365 19h ago
This! Still setting up for a party but then the get upset we are not sitting down to catch up. Party is at 11:00, why are you here at 08:00?
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u/joelham01 18h ago
This is like my girlfriend’s sister, she’s always way too early for everything. The other day she was picking us up to go to their cousins house for a Christmas thing and it was my first time going out since being in the hospital for two months and my first time walking not in physio and deciding to not have my wheelchair so I needed all the time I could get to get ready and an hour before she was supposed to pick us up she was like ok I’m leaving my house now be outside (I hadn’t eaten or showered or anything at this point and she lives 10 minutes away) I was so mad. She picked us up and she was like yeah I almost left an hour ago to come get you guys lmao
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u/Purplehairpurplecar 17h ago
I hope you made her wait. It’s bad enough under normal circumstances, but especially egregious since you’re in some form of recovery. She clearly has neither sense nor empathy.
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u/spicewoman 13h ago
I think the rub for that one was that she was OP's ride. So, she could have said "well, if you're not ready in 5 minutes" or whatever and then... OP's got a choice to make.
But yeah, if she wouldn't actually wait then I'd never rely on her for a ride again. I really don't get people like that... rushing out the door just to sit around bored waiting for the event to start. WHY??
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u/tb2186 15h ago
This was my wife’s parents. They always showed up 2-3 hours early and my FIL would sit in the kitchen while I was cooking the meal and talk the entire two hours without taking a breath. No exaggeration, he would talk at me the entire time. In his mind he was “entertaining”. My GOD was it maddening.
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u/cshaffer71 17h ago
Mine would come early and sit at the table in our eat-in kitchen and want to chat. They always offered to help, but they knew I didn’t like help cooking. Meanwhile they were in the way and would piss me off. I don’t miss dinners with them.
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u/ctrlaltdelete285 18h ago
My parents do this. The solution is to not let them in. They whine but will get the hint. After all, if you always let them in, why should they change?
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u/Jolly_Sign_9183 15h ago
This is what I would do. Do not answer the door before the allotted time. Even leave a sign saying event begins at "insert time". See you then.
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u/lastunbannedaccount 20h ago
The day before thanksgiving we told my in laws to come no earlier than 3 because I have to work. I work from home though, so I guess that means they can come whenever they want?
They showed up at 10am. My husband called them and told them to leave and stay out till at least 230. “What are we supposed to do?” They asked. He said “Figure it out.”
They did. Bless him.
WFH JOBS ARE REAL JOBS.
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u/titanrunner2 19h ago
Starbucks is open! But for real, when we had a long commute to family for events / holidays and we got there over an hour early (less traffic than expected pre Waze…) we’d chill at a coffee shop.
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u/CivilRuin4111 14h ago
Heh- same, when my wife and I were newly married. We didn’t want to be there in the first place, so we’d get there at the last minute or a little late.
Now, we just don’t go at all and life is much better. They still whine about not seeing us, but I always remind them that they have a car and the road goes both ways.
They’re awful people so if I must see them, it will only be a home game.
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u/biohoo 17h ago
My mom did this at my wedding - she was invited as a guest ONLY and showed up uninvited and without letting me know 5 hours before the ceremony, and right in the middle of photos.
I told her she could see herself out, that we were busy, and she could come back when the guests arrived for the ceremony.
“What am I supposed to do??”
I couldn’t care less. It’s my wedding day and it’s not about YOU.
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u/Important_Scene_4295 12h ago
I'm sorry on multiple fronts. First that she got herself to the point of being a guest only and that she demonstrated exactly why that was by trampling boundaries on your wedding day.
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u/WoosahFire 19h ago
I had this with an appliance delivery. Supposed to be at 1 pm, during my lunchtime so I could step away. They showed up at 9 am since they 'heard I work from home'... WTF
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u/PirateMomInSpace 16h ago
All of my delivery appointments have been non-optional non-choice 8-12 hr windows picked by the company and they often still managed to not show up during the window after I took an entire day to accommodate them.
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u/belleayreski2 14h ago
Wait, I’m so confused how someone working in appliance delivery could “hear you work from home” and change their schedule because of that 😂
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u/joelham01 18h ago
Seriously tho. My girlfriend doesn’t understand why I can’t clean the entire house and do every chore that’s ever existed while I’m working. Her reasoning is that I’m home so I should be able to do it. Bruh I’m working I don’t even get up from my desk for lunch lol how do you expect me to deep clean the kitchen, mop the floors and do all the laundry while I’m designing mechanical rooms all day
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u/Bird-The-Word 14h ago
Flip side, I have a Co worker that thinks it's okay to vacuum his house cuz he's at home.
But we've started to document a lot of the fuck ups he's making and things like not being available in a reasonable amount of time because of this, but it just blows my mind.
Was another woman at the company that said she couldn't promise to answer emails within 2 hours or a phone call within 30 minutes because she might not be available/home... on her work from HOME day. Yeah, she lost that ability pretty quickly.
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u/Dirt-McGirt 19h ago
I WFH when I have a cold, and my husband will decide to do the same. The man cannot leave me alone for more than 13 minutes at a time. One time he barged into the room while I was on a teams call and asked if I thought the anunnaki were real. And that was the end of that. Now If I decide to wfh I don’t tell him until he’s midway through his commute.
He just wants to play hooky with me, which is sweet, but Im under deadline. I would take a day off if I could, not work from home. Now we schedule a day of hooky every once in a while and still drop the kid at daycare so we can enjoy each other.
But yeah. He just…does not get it at all lmao
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u/xThrillhoVanHoutenx 18h ago
I work from home. My wife is a teacher and has the same schedule as my kid. They had a half day this past Tuesday and will be off for winter break. They arrived home around 2:30 pm on Tuesday after running errands.
My wife came into my office 6 times…from 2:30 to 5pm. 6 times.
The 6th time I had a little gravel in my voice when I said for the 6th time I am indeed still working.
Of course now ITAH for getting mildly annoyed.
Next week will be great!
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u/Dirt-McGirt 18h ago edited 18h ago
Yeahhhh I get you. I work a lot harder than my husband has to for less pay. He’d tell you so himself, and that’s actually the problem. Hes especially dismissive of my obligations because he feels like I’m being taken advantage of. And maybe he’s right but I cannot get into that right now dude, I have a deadline.
But it sounds like you may be the breadwinner and that is irritating in its own way.
The only thing that has worked is acknowledging that I’m flattered he wants to hang and I’d prefer to be doing that as well but I need to finish up first so I can focus on them. A lot of people who don’t have to work over the holidays think it’s criminal to have to do so. And I fear that maybe they’re right. But now is not the time to dive into that.
but yes this does tend to boil my blood quite a bit. My job is not silly. You wouldn’t barge in on someone studying for the bar. Or maybe they would, I don’t even really wanna know.
But he is better with our daughter. He won’t affirm that, and I think that’s because he’s protective of my heart/feelings. And that’s why I don’t get too bent about this stuff. I could talk for 1 million hours about this but I’m gonna fuck off now 😂
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u/confresi 16h ago
When IS the time to dive into being taken advantage of and working too much throughout the holidays? Sounds like you’re too busy with work.
Kind of legitimately curious. My spouse is in an equally demanding, stressful, and time consuming job that they often rant and complain about.
Yet, there is no “good” time to pick apart the weight and problems that job may be contributing to our their mental health and our relationship.
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u/lminer123 15h ago
Understandable frustration and workaround, but it is really cute that he wants to play hookie with you lol
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u/TiltedWit 18h ago
I'm shocked you answered the door
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u/JudgeGusBus 17h ago
Sounds like OP possibly didn’t answer the door, and instead called / texted husband to deal with it. Which was the right move.
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u/babyshrimpin 13h ago
Boomers do not understand WFH. They think it means you can still sit and chat with them. I Can’t tell you how many times my mom who said she wanted “to help” with my toddler would bring him to sit next to me and then try to talk to me while I was LITERALLY on a zoom call. We now make her leave with him if she wants to “help” because she just doesn’t understand what work from home means.
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u/mightylordredbeard 17h ago
I had an ex that just could not respect WFH because she just couldn’t grasp that people can actually work while home. She had a friend that fed into the bs a lot too. She’d keep trying to call or text during my work hours or try to come by. I’d tell her I’d love her to come spend lunch with me, but otherwise I’m in meetings or doing team research. I was doing investment work at the time so we’d all get on conference calls and group video while discussing a business or going through their financials.. finally I said fuck it and told her to come over and spend the night and she could watch me work the next day..
My work day started at 5:00am! I booted up my computers, my cameras, the direction based speaker system I have set up so that it sounds like all 6 team members are right there in the room with you so you can better hear everyone and we went to work. Nonstop talking, arguing/debating over details because we’re all a lively bunch that were very much into our jobs, calling potential clients for updates , going over weekly reports with current clients, and by 9:30 my ex was annoyed and bored since all she could do was sit on her phone quietly seeing as how I set up in my living room to work so i can use my TV as a big ass stock ticker in the background.
We broke up a couple months later because we just weren’t compatible. I was very work driven and focused.. she wasn’t.
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u/sky7897 20h ago
But now we have to entertain them in the middle of hectic Christmas preparations.
Here’s the thing. You don’t.
You should get comfortable with being able to speak your mind, especially to literal relatives.
Just say : “I thought you guys were coming at 5:30.”
Then they can either help out or sit down and watch a film on their own. You’re under zero pressure to entertain them.
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u/CriticalEngineering 14h ago
I’m wondering about the planning of all this. How long were these relatives going to be able to stay at the Christmas party if they had another 2.5 hours of driving to get home after dinner?
Maybe I’m just southern, but 5:30 is late for a gathering when people are going to spend five hours in transit.
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u/Busy_Independent_527 12h ago
They probably stay overnight. At least that’s what what we do in our family
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u/nolajaxie 19h ago
In my world, anyone I'd be willing to host in my home will walk in the house without any notice and go straight into either helping finish up or entertaining the toddler. If they're crap at helping, they go watch TV and stay out of the way. No one would expect to be entertained in the slightest.
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u/CHI57 19h ago
Hand them a beer they’ll be fine.
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u/StormFallen9 17h ago
In our world, they know where it's at and can get it themselves
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u/thedoodely 14h ago
As my mom used to say, "the maid died, you'll just need to serve yourself".
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u/Beers_Beets_BSG 16h ago
Agreed. In all honestly, this whole thing is kinda foreign to me. For something like Christmas, there is almost no expected time to arrive. Dinner is around dinner time. The earlier you get here, the better. That invite stands for everybody I see at Christmas time. Grab a drink and sit on the couch, or hop into the kitchen and start helping
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u/2AXP21 16h ago
Yea maybe it’s just me but I actually like my friends and family.
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u/Beep_Boop_Beepity 17h ago
I showed up to one party super early. It was a Super Bowl party and I hung out at their place ALL the time. Mainly hung with my guy friend but his wife was awesome too.
I showed up 3 hours early, came with a bunch of food they asked for and beer.
We gamed for like an hour then I helped set up whatever they wanted help with and then just chilled until other people showed up.
But yea I could’ve just walked in and chilled and they wouldn’t have cared. That’s only way i’d show up early to a party is if that’s how comfortable i am with the host.
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u/ConferenceSudden1519 18h ago
When did we stop being honest and real with our own families. Say hey you’re way too early and I didn’t want to entertain this early. So now your part of the house so you can help us get ready.
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u/Ale4Diver 20h ago
I’ve had this happen for various events from my parents, they think they can be helpful and get some time with you without others around. One time I wasn’t even home yet from a workout, had my timing all planned out, came rolling up to the house and their waiting outside for me. Like you, I had food prep and shower to do, was awkward because I want to spend time with them but it wasn’t the only thing happening that day.
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u/aeraen 19h ago edited 3m ago
Had spouse's family do the exact same thing at a mothers' day dinner I was putting on. I had invited spouse's parents to come early because of a free event near my house I knew they would like. Spouse took them to the event while I finished up cleaning and cooking. Suddenly his sister and family were on our doorstep, three hours early. I was still washing the floor and wearing cleaning clothes.
They plunked onto our sofa while I recommended the event spouse and parents were at. They declined. Then I recommended another free event nearby. By the third recommendation, SILs husband recognized that they needed to leave and decided he wanted to see one of the events and shooed them all out.
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u/emorrigan 18h ago
Either make them help or leave them to sit awkwardly while you go on with your day.
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u/Northelai 20h ago
If it's family and they came early, they get to help with preparations and entertain themselves while I take a shower. What are they gonna do? Complain that you're not paying attention to them? I assume they're adults, not toddlers.
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u/dr_p_venkman 13h ago
Not all family are polite or sensible, unfortunately. Some behave exactly like toddlers. I swear my mother does it on purpose just to start drama because she is so incredibly bored.
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u/seanalltogether 19h ago
Are they staying over or did you schedule a Christmas party for 5:30 expecting these family members to drive 2:30 hrs home afterwards?
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u/rstrnt 15h ago
If I had a family member that had to drive 2.5 hours, I would have a Christmas gathering that started at 1:00.
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u/SnooWalruses4218 6h ago
This is what struck me. They drove 2.5 hours to get there. That is a huge effort.
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u/Ok_Acanthisitta_9943 21h ago
use them
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u/lr99999 18h ago
Everybody keeps saying this. Visitors like this are useless when you’re trying to cook and clean for a party. What are you gonna do? Give them the thermometer and give them instructions on when to get the turkey out and how to take its temperature? Just no. Something will get ruined. Unless you want them to scrub your back, they’re just in the way.
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u/MamaTMoney 17h ago
totally agree. my inlaws show up super early and are useless if all we have left to do is get ready, showers, relax before company arrives. Gahhhh- I hate it
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u/YonderTides 16h ago
Exactly this. I also can't think of anything that makes me see red faster than someone coming into the kitchen while I'm cooking to stand around and be in the way. Get out!
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u/StormFallen9 17h ago
Tell them to do the dishes, vacuum or some other basic chore you need done that you know they can do.
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u/Worldly-Pay7342 18h ago
No no, simple things like cleaning, moving furniture, setting up decorations and whatnot.
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u/Illystylez619 20h ago
If I showed up that early, I'd expect to be put to work. Depending on the family member hosting, I try not to do that 😆
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u/sunnydarkgreen 15h ago
"thank god you're here, i desperately need someone to go find 1kg of flowering mint for this recipe"
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u/Minimum-Career-9999 19h ago
My MIL used to do that every time we hosted for holidays, family gatherings, etc. She lived about a quarter mile down the road from us and would show up sometimes 2 hours early because she “was bored”. I tried putting her to work helping out, but that was a pain because she would conveniently forget where everything was stored in my kitchen, or subject me to endless comparisons between her cooking and mine-always heavy on the criticism. I finally wised up and purposely told her that the start time was 2 1/2 hours later than the actual time. That way she was only a half hour early and I would tell her to make herself at home downstairs while I went upstairs to finish dressing. Thankfully she never caught on!
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u/Rare-Spell-1571 16h ago
If they drove a decent way they probably were preparing for traffic that never came and made perfect time. Never feel bad for telling super early guests, especially literal family, you need to shower or leave them alone for a bit.
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u/Kindly-Article-9357 15h ago
My other question is this - were they driving back home the same night?
I have family who have to drive a ways, which is why we always do our events early afternoon. That way they can come stay for a few hours and get back home before they're stupid tired and dangerous on the road.
I'd never dream of hosting an event starting at 5:30pm for guests who still had to drive a couple hours home that night.
If they were staying over at a hotel or something, then yeah, that's different. Send them to go check in and freshen up and come back later.
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u/MossJermaine 11h ago
Yeah 5 hours of driving for a 1-2 hour party. Sounds made up.
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u/Turbulent-Mousse-828 8h ago
"Welcome. Have a drink and when you're finished I have some jobs for you"
Just remember the saying, "many hands make light work".
Problem solved.
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u/Prudent_Taste_7149 20h ago
I'd send the OUT for an errand. Pick up some obscure item that will get them away and let me finish up and prepare.
I'd prefer this to asking them to "help"
Or recommend a spot to sight see. Maybe just a lookout spot they can drive to.
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u/Dangerous_Bus_6699 16h ago
This sounds very American. I know SE Asian homes, if you're there early, it's welcomed, but you know you should also help so the host to minimize the burden on them. Same for end of the party. Everyone goes home only when the hosts home is cleaned.
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u/doncroak 17h ago
Had an aunt and uncle, first to arrive and last to leave and would just sit and be catered to.
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u/LickingDogPaws 16h ago
2 1/2hrs is a pretty lengthy drive to some people but not enough to warrant an overnight stay at a hotel so thats at 5hr drive committed for that day just to come visit you. Perhaps they wanted a longer break in between driving to talk and likley help where its needed. Imagine driving 2 1/2hrs to show up with dinner ready so sit down to eat and then likely your expecting them gone within a couple of hours to settle down for the night.
Many families do gatherings where the eating portion happens around noon so they can spend a good chunk of the day to hang out but doesn't seem to be the case here.
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u/wobbleeduk85 15h ago
I love entertaining, but if you show up unannounced waaaay before the slotted time, you get to help. People will either continue to come early and help, or will stop arriving early.
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u/TripleOhMango 16h ago
They could’ve thought you meant dinner is at 5:30pm. Getting there 2 hours before is reasonable when they had to drive that far… plus, they’re family. Give them some water or booze and tell them it’s not ready yet so sit on the couch or help
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u/lvlint67 16h ago
They could’ve thought you meant dinner is at 5:30pm.
this is what most reasonable people would expect. 5:30 is such a late start time when you have people driving in multiple hours.
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u/ReeMonsterNYC 16h ago
Yeah 530 is wack. That's like, show up and eat. No antipasto??? No mulling around snacking/drinking and catching up on family gossip?
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u/lvlint67 16h ago
time for the family Christmas party is for 5:30pm....they also drove 2 1/2 hours
A 5:30pm START TIME is wildly inconsiderate to guests that have to drive multiple hours to visit. What was your actual plan? Have food ready at 5:30? eat at 6 when everyone had arrived and spend 2 hours visiting?
I love my family, but we're not driving 5 hours for a 2 hour visit on a holiday. It's not worth the time.
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u/LogicalHoney4689 18h ago
This is why my family always gives an acceptable range when making plans. Example: Come over between 5 to 5:30. It tells people how early/late they can be.
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u/eternalyoung 18h ago
Meanwhile, some of my relatives were over an hour late, leaving us without the dishes they promised to make. Some people just have no respect for others’ time.
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u/calliesky00 15h ago
When/if my family members showed up early, they would expect to be given a job. I’ve had my dad vacuuming and my mom prepping food. It’s what family does. 🎄
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u/VirtualMatter2 8h ago
People who come early help. Here is a knife, chop the salad. Here is the hoover. The table needs to be set. Etc.
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u/anon-username1029 4h ago
I wouldn’t be entertaining them. They’d be put to work. At most I’d throw them the remote control and let them know where they can help themselves to water if they get thirsty.
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u/JediCarla 2h ago
I say, put them to work! They will either be happy to help/have something to do, or they won’t show up so early next time. 😂
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u/random8765309 21h ago
We only set a time for the dinner. You arrive some point before that.
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u/yeeeezel 16h ago
I like when the family really makes a full day of it. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. In between, some people watch movies, play games, or naps. It’s great.
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u/Ready-Ad-4196 15h ago
Who does this? Family that feels comfortable...Family. oh man... Laugh it off, have a drink, and have a wonderful Christmas!
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u/Chapin_Chino 14h ago
I don't understand having family get togethers like it's a doctor's appointment. Family comes over whenever they want and they hang and help all day.
This post is weird to me.
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u/egnards 20h ago
We invited my BIL to Thanksgiving with his parents, he declined.
We begged and pleaded for him to come for dinner and finally he relented and said ok.
The next morning whole I was in the hectic chaos of trying to focus on all 4 burners of the stove. . .he shows up at 9:00am, plops on the couch, and starts bitching and moaning about us not being finished already.
. . .he begged and pleaded because we knew it would mean a lot to his parents, but holy shit it was a pain in the ass.
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u/GilBang 15h ago
a buddy of mine (in Texas) told his parents that they would have christmas dinner at 4 PM. His parents live 100 miles away.
at 3:55, the kid looks out the window and says "grandma and grampa just drove by". my buddy looks at his watch and says "they'll be back in 5 minutes".
That's the kind of guy his dad happens to be.
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u/eatcrayons 18h ago
You’re enabling them by entertaining them. They can sit in the living room by themselves or help out.
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u/Math-Girl--- 17h ago
Why did you feel the need to entertain them? Give them jobs to do and continue preparing for the party.
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u/Particular-Smile5025 17h ago
Sounds like what my aunt would do then we couldn’t get anything accomplished and she’d get mad cuz there was no food ready yet? It’s like leave us alone so we can cook then
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u/ImaginaryMastodon607 17h ago
Entertain them? No. If you show up to my house 3 hours early, I'm putting you to work.
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u/Legalsnugs 6h ago
It is a common misconception that you have to entertain guest who are early. You do not. They can come in and sit down and you do whatever you need to do. They can help if you want to let them. Otherwise, they're on their own.
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u/karateninjazombie 5h ago
Suddenly you have a pile of extra people who can help with the cooking.
Get the big wine glass out and be the dictatorial head chef you've always wanted to be :D
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u/Anthrodiva 3h ago
"Drop off your stuff and go see the sights, we will be ready for guests at 5:30!"
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u/Ozmorty 21h ago
Entertain? Like hell. You’re family and you’re early so clearly you’re here to help! So thoughtful. So kind.
Put them to work!